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Beloved Swamiji, thousands of Pranams at your feet and also at the feet of Baba Lokenath. I saw so any questions unanswered and thus i guessed you must have been either outside India or very busy. There is a good news. I came out clean. I managed to get the girl also checked. She also came out clean. I spent the worst months of my life but I knew that Baba is always with me, in life and also in death as well as after death. So once more the great Baba Lokenath has successfully delivered me. Now I want something more. Now I want to ask from Baba, Baba himself. As i had written before despite trying to various kinds of spiritual sadhanas, i failed. I am not yet at peace of my mind. Life still seems so puzzling to me and so meaningless to me. On top of that, if I add the miseries of a failing marriage, it doesn’t stop me from thinking that i would have been better off to have an incurable chronic disease which would slowly take my life away. I am very much relieved that Baba has once more saved me. He has always been saving me. I have always been making mistakes. I wonder for how long this is going to continue. But in the meantime I wont to get in touch with that thing which will not let me do any more mistakes. I want to get to the root of the problem. I am already 30 now. Despite having the desire to improve myself, I am always hounded by desires and desires and habit patterns. Trying to suppress the desire did not help. Trying to let the desire run by itself also did not help. Just being a witness is easier said than done. Considering that my active life might be up to 50, I really fear if I will really finish this precious live ever wondering what life itself is all about, ever wondering if at all there is something beyond the mundane to be obtained. However I have experienced that whenever I have relied on Baba he has helped me. So don’t you think it is right for me to dump all other practices and rely only on Baba? Is there any mantra associated with Baba for which I have to get initiated? Or is simple chanting of Baba’s name enough by itself to take me back to the divine lap. Many times I even doubt the very existence of God but I cannot doubt the existence of Baba and his grace. That is the only thing which is saving me. My first concern would be to go back home and try to save my failing marriage. I do not say that she is wrong. However, somehow we never got along. I wonder why? She is a very good girl and I wonder what is in store for her. I really wish I could give her some more happiness. And I don’t know what is it that I can do to make things better for both of us. Though I think I should not try to defend my self, I do feel that may be me doing such stupid things can be attributed, at least to a small percentage, to my miserable married life. So first I will have to ask Baba’s grace and guidance to solve this problem. I also want to come to you and meet you in person when I come back home. It has been a long time I have experienced real joy and peace. I am sure meeting you in person would give me just that and the effect will last quite a long time before it starts wearing. I wish I can bring her also along with me. But given the circumstances that my marriage is going through, I wonder whether I can convince her to travel all the way to Calcutta. Just waiting to have your darshan-it has been a very long time. At your feet, Siddartha
Closedadmin answered 12 months ago • 
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Baba, how one can prevail over lust?
Closedadmin answered 12 months ago • 
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Thank you baba, for your loving words. I also feel the same way. I know, no matter what happens baba can never leave me, because he is aldeady in me. so no matter how many times i fall, i always have the enough confidence to say to myself that if not today i will rise above these circumstances some day in future.if i fall a million times i am ready to stand up and try again a million more times. i know this also that since the problem is rooted in my own subconscious, no one else other than satguru can help me. my own efforts of trying to solve the problem on my own have deplorabely failed many many times. however there are times when the subconscious is so strong that it somehow blocks the communion with the Light, either thouugh ill reasoning which seems justified at that time, or through the feeling of guilt and remorse…by whatever means the subcouscious makes it possible to push and prevent the Light to enter..what do i do then?is there any way out of this? because i think even if i am able to supress the desire for whatsoever, the desire is still there..i am still suffering and divided.if i indulge then also i am suffering and remorseful.both ways i am suffering. yes considering morality it might be better to suppress than to indulge. but when will this end baba? what can i do to get above the both? please show me some way.thirty years have already passed without any answer…i dont want to waste this life without even getting the answer to the single problem, single question that i have ever had in my life..at your feet ..sarvesh
Closedadmin answered 12 months ago • 
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