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Beloved Swamiji, thousands of Pranams at your feet and also at the feet of Baba Lokenath. I saw so any questions unanswered and thus i guessed you must have been either outside India or very busy. There is a good news. I came out clean. I managed to get the girl also checked. She also came out clean. I spent the worst months of my life but I knew that Baba is always with me, in life and also in death as well as after death. So once more the great Baba Lokenath has successfully delivered me. Now I want something more. Now I want to ask from Baba, Baba himself. As i had written before despite trying to various kinds of spiritual sadhanas, i failed. I am not yet at peace of my mind. Life still seems so puzzling to me and so meaningless to me. On top of that, if I add the miseries of a failing marriage, it doesn’t stop me from thinking that i would have been better off to have an incurable chronic disease which would slowly take my life away. I am very much relieved that Baba has once more saved me. He has always been saving me. I have always been making mistakes. I wonder for how long this is going to continue. But in the meantime I wont to get in touch with that thing which will not let me do any more mistakes. I want to get to the root of the problem. I am already 30 now. Despite having the desire to improve myself, I am always hounded by desires and desires and habit patterns. Trying to suppress the desire did not help. Trying to let the desire run by itself also did not help. Just being a witness is easier said than done. Considering that my active life might be up to 50, I really fear if I will really finish this precious live ever wondering what life itself is all about, ever wondering if at all there is something beyond the mundane to be obtained. However I have experienced that whenever I have relied on Baba he has helped me. So don’t you think it is right for me to dump all other practices and rely only on Baba? Is there any mantra associated with Baba for which I have to get initiated? Or is simple chanting of Baba’s name enough by itself to take me back to the divine lap. Many times I even doubt the very existence of God but I cannot doubt the existence of Baba and his grace. That is the only thing which is saving me. My first concern would be to go back home and try to save my failing marriage. I do not say that she is wrong. However, somehow we never got along. I wonder why? She is a very good girl and I wonder what is in store for her. I really wish I could give her some more happiness. And I don’t know what is it that I can do to make things better for both of us. Though I think I should not try to defend my self, I do feel that may be me doing such stupid things can be attributed, at least to a small percentage, to my miserable married life. So first I will have to ask Baba’s grace and guidance to solve this problem. I also want to come to you and meet you in person when I come back home. It has been a long time I have experienced real joy and peace. I am sure meeting you in person would give me just that and the effect will last quite a long time before it starts wearing. I wish I can bring her also along with me. But given the circumstances that my marriage is going through, I wonder whether I can convince her to travel all the way to Calcutta. Just waiting to have your darshan-it has been a very long time. At your feet, Siddartha
Closedadmin answered 2 years ago • 
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Baba, how one can prevail over lust?
Closedadmin answered 2 years ago • 
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