thank you baba,your words have given me some hope.it is not wether i have plans of coming to calcutta that is important.but what is important for me is that i have to meet you.i i had been able to abide to your advises and if i had been able to keep contact with you, then this day would not have come.but i did not have the courage to face you because i knew deep inside that i was not walking on the right path.and at the end..i realise that no matter what i do and where i go, you and baba lokenath are my ultimate shelter.and that i have to come back to you and fall at your feet.after all i cannot outwit god.this is a pubic fourm, so i fear if i will be able to express myself fully, however i dont have any other option because this is the only way i can contact you and contacting any one else is useless because i know that your being radiates the infinite reserviour of power and lobe that baba lokenath himself possesses..but now i realise that i had misunderstood everythiing, everything about yoga, tantra, spirituality everything.and till this day i used to think that moral precepts are useless things made to bind people, and i ued to think i was too clever not to be bound by such stupid things. now i do understand why all the spiritual masters laid so much importance in moral precepts, specially regarding sex.the last sin and the most unforgivable sin that i was involved in was an unwarranted contact with a girl. it just happenned. despite knowing that it was wrong, i could not stop it. and now i get this weird feeling that i might have contracted HIV. i dont know why this feeling is hovering in my head from last 2 weeks. i dont even know if the girl has HIV. and provided that she does has HIV, then also the chances of infection transmission from a female to a male is as low as 200, 000.but i am afraid.and i dont know where to turn to.what if i am that unlucky one in 200,000.on the other hand, i also have a feeling that i can never be rejected by baba.and a person who has once recieved your grace and babas grace can never fall so low…such as to die with AIDS. i also feel that this whole thing is happenning just to make me realise the true value of moral precepts and to put me back in right track. because even though this is the second time i have realy fallen and have been dishonest with my partner in my two years of marrige,may be, the acts of dishonesty were always there in the mind as seeds just waiting to sprout whenever the soil was favorable. but i want to tell you, that each and every day, each and every moment i am living with a fear of death.not that i am afraid of death itself. but i cannot just accept dying with HIV. what will i say to my wife, who is extremely honest and simple girl? and what will i say to my parents who are extremely honest and religious and morally boud people.well, you might say to me that i deserve to be punished like this and that i should have thought of these things before the accident ever happenned.i know you are 100% right.but all i want to say is that i want to live, and live a very honest and spiritual life, in which i will benifit myself as well as others. the only way to know if i do have HIV is to have my blood checked after 6 weeks of the feared contact.so all day and all night i am just chanting a few names of baba lokenath out of the 108 names.Om Mrityunjayaya Lokenathaya Namah,Om Mrityubhai Abhai pradaya Lokenathaya Namah, Om Bhaktaparadhinaya Lokenathaya Namaha, Om Papavimochakaya Lokenathaya NamahaOm Karmadhwamsine Lokenathaya Namaha…these are the names which i am chanting the most.all i want is my life and i promise that i will dedicate the rest of my life for the sole benifit of my spirit..and for the sava of my only lord and saviour..you and baba lokenath.from this day onwards i leave all the other spiritual practises that i know of…all the garbage that i have collected in my mind..and will just chant the names of baba and keep in mind what sri sri bhajan bhramachari had said about baba lokenath-" that his will is final" and will also keep in mind how baba had consoled a young wife who had gone astray saying that he takes the responsibility of all that had happenned. till i meet you. and then i will take refuge in you and baba.with tears of repentance and a prayer for life….siddartha, china
Please stop cursing yourself. You have started chanting the Divine 108 Names of Baba Lokenath which is the most important thing of the present moment. You have realized your mistake not sin. You have not sinned. You have only been lead by your instinctive mind.
Why live in fear of HIV when there are ways to get you checked whether you have that or not. There is every possibility that you may not have that, but you are dying every day out of fear.
Just go for the test without loosing a day and dedicate your life in true search of your Being.
My humble prayers to Baba Lokenath to save you from all evils and grant you a life of true self discovery.
Know that i am touched by your honest confession, i have not a single word against you and your mistakes, but with all humility let me tell you that the only thing that i am doing for you is to pray for you for the one who committed the mistakes and the one who is writing this mail is not the same person.
Love and blessings infinite,
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