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which Mantra I have to pray everyday..
ClosedShivangi Singhadmin answered 1 year ago • 
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Dear Baba, Today is 11 months and 8 days. My thesis defense is over. I will be wrapping up with my stay in China by the end of this month. Each day is a blessing. The group called Alcoholics Anonymous is a world wide fellowship program for those who have realized that \" We were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable and that probably no human power could help us relieve us from this disease.\" It goes on to say that only a spiritual solution is a permanent solution for people like us and that God ( i replace the word god with Guru because it does not make sense thinking that if it had been in the hands of god, then it was him that made me this way in the first place) could and would help is if sought with attitude of surrender and humility. It works on a daily reminder basis, in a way that i need to be reminded on a daily basis that i can not take that first glass, i can never drink like other normal people, drink a few glasses and then go back to sleep, if i start drinking, i will not be able to stop it. My own experience and the experience of other alcoholics have shown that if and when we stay away from these reminders and fellowships, the idea that we might be able to handle just one glass eventually creeps in our mind and then that becomes our undoing. This is a part of the disease. It is so difficult to sometimes forget how someone had hurt me. But it is so easy to forget that the last time i drank, i nearly died. As you had also said, being sober, one day at a time, is all that is needed, and that is the only way it works. Baba, i remember you having said that this must have been something that i had from my previous lives. I know this also by the fact that when i was first exposed to alcohol, 17 years back, it did not take a long time for me to get hooked; in an instant i liked it, and even though drunk it wanted more and more. I also realize that as i do not drink, one day at a time, the bond of this evil karma is getting weaker and weaker. But Baba, i am still afraid, because of the fact that i need external aids ( AA meetings, reminders) to keep me in check. Will there ever come a day when i will be totally free from this karma? Because as long as i am dependent on external sources, there might as well come a day when these sources are not available for me, for a certain period of time, and then i might again fall. My struggle with alcohol, of course did not allow me to study well, However there is no place for regret. Because the disease was always there, It was only when i was alone in China, where there was no one to stop me from drinking and ask questions, and where drinks come cheap, that this disease took a very acute form, after which it became a matter of life and death. Had it not been like this, then sneak and drink, guilt and remorse after every drink, lie and hide about drinking, would have continued for who knows how long. However, this struggle with alcohol did not allow me to study well. I am still taking one day at a time. I plan to go back to and work under some senior radiologist for quite some time, so that i can learn the required skills, so that i should be able to work on my own in near future. At the same time, i also know that as long as i am not drunk and sane, at the end of the day, i should know that it was a successful day. No matter how bad things might be in future, it will still be better than the best day of my drunken career, and not drinking and facing each day as it comes, is the only way to mend whatever i need to for a better future. Thank you Baba, for everything. Always at your feet, Sarvesh. Jai Baba Lokenath.
ClosedShivangi Singhadmin answered 1 year ago • 
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