Baba, the expectation of the appearance of my other half and waiting for her has now changed. Yes! It is true that I still desire her existence but I realized that I no longer need her. Now I just want to make everyone around me feel happy…..feel special, which they all truly are. But alas, I have a feeling I won’t be successful because I don’t actually love myself. I like myself because Shiva and everyone around me loves me. I just can’t figure out that pure reason to love myself. Nature, God, You, Ma and everyone is doing everything for me. I feel like I am not doing anything worthy, thus, how can I love myself?
Always make sure that before you expect to find a right partner in life in relationship, you need to equip yourself very well to handle man-woman relationship, the most complex of any relationships that you can think of. Recognise the fact that unless you are quite comfortable taking care of your own mind and body, you are not fit to take care of others. It is good to hear that you have given up your false hope of finding your love partner and come to yourself first.
Most relationships fail, and particularly, relationship that develops during the teen or youthful days, are mostly based on physical infatuation and need for the other sex. It is just natural. In tune with hormones that flood your body during these period of life.
Self-love is a concept that can be attained through practice of daily meditation and mindful thoughts and acts. From the time you wake up, don’t jump out of bed, don’t get into the rut of old habits and act like a robot. Just take little time to do some stretches of Pavanmuktasana right on the bed itself. Then do some pranayama like abdominal breathing, taking deep slow mindful breaths and filing the stomach as you breathe in and emptying the stomach as you deeply breathe out. Do this 10 rounds.
Practice this in the Youth Group Yoga session too.
Then sit on the bed and feel truly calm and blessed to find a fresh day to prove to yourself that you can be AWAKE, AND ALIVE by practice of mindful living. You will resolve to do everything with awareness as much as possible. Don’t curse yourself if you are forgetful instead of mindful. It is a matter of long long long practice before your subconscious default patters of mind body change.
Fill yourself with gratitude for the whole of Nature and all of them who you feel grateful to for showing you light and love. Pray for all beings. Then leave the bed.
Take at-least three glasses (approx 1 litre of fresh water).
Do some open air exercises and pranayama so that your body and mind gets more into the positive energy field and help you to move through the day with love for yourself and for others.
Don’t over expect from yourself in the beginning. That is what most people do and land-up in failure.
Keep trying to brush your teeth, have your breakfast, have bath, or do small chores of daily life with mindful awareness. This is SELF LOVE. To be aware that you exist as a soul spirit. Not just a habitual pattern of doings.
I hope you are getting to understand where i am leading you? It is a gradual unfoldment of your soul. That is what is all about returning back to your Inner Self first, before you are ready to jump into the fire of any relationship. If you are not fire-proof! Hey you may get burned!! Just watch out!!